I am STRONGER!

You know the saying

"That which does not kill you, makes you stronger..."

Well I am still alive after the Hillcrest Walk/Run. It was 3 miles of hills and torture. I thought those hills were going to kill me. But no I am just stronger for making it through. I did pretty good as I did the walk in about an hour. Which for me was good with those hills, and I even stopped to talk to a friend after a really bad hill. She was having a garage sale. I did not shop, but I did talk. Just long enough to get a second wind and continue on. It feels good to have done it. I am proud of myself. Last night was Worlds of Fun Night for my DH's company. It is when his company gets the park for the night, they feed us and let us go on most rides for free. It is usually something I beg off from doing. It is something that I have not been able to do in the past. I used to get tired from walking from the parking lot, I would hold everyone up from having fun. I always had to get into the park through the handicap entrance because I was too wide for the turnstiles. Well last night I walked through the turnstiles. Mind you I had to turn sideways, but I did it! I even rode on 3 rides. The fury of the Nile, the canoe ride and some other ride that spins around really fast while you stand there. I had a great time. We did walk and walk and walk, and lots of standing. That concrete is a killer on the feet and knees over a long period of time. We got in after midnight. So I was exhausted this morning. Someone in my house called me crazy for going to do the walk this am. I said no

crazy is when you do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

I am doing something different, expecting different results.

I am so proud of me for doing it. For doing it all, for keeping my commitments and following through. It is a really great feeling. And I met a lot of nice people. This all makes me so happy. YEAH!

I feel skinny today........

What a glorious day! I feel skinny today. What is that all about, you may be asking. Well usually I feel fat. But not today. This morning I was playing some music and my youngest son and I started dancing. It was so fun. I went to work out today. I wore my new shorts that I purchased at Target! A FIRST FOR ME! Not only have I not worn shorts in years, but I bought them at Target in the Athletic department. Mind you the only piece of clothing I have bought from Target for myself is socks. They just do not carry fat lady clothes. These shorts are the largest size for women they carry XXL but they fit. They are also that fabric that wicks away moisture, very cool. They are very comfortable. WAY EXCITING! I also bought a pair of capris from another store in a size 22/24. Two months ago I bought capris in 30/32. I am so excited. I can hardly stand it! When I look in the mirror I look top heavy now. I used to look way round, but now I think I look top heavy. But I am losing weight and inches. I cannot wait until the end of May to see if I make my 10% goal and see how things fit. Mandy thinks that by the end of the summer I could have lost 50 pounds total. Wouldn't that be great? I do not want to put too much emphasis on the goal weight because it is really about the everyday goals of working out, eating right and drinking my water. It is about the journey of making my life better, and more fun! I really feel motivated today. I have so much to do, so right now I have to go, but I just had to blog. Later.

Not a Diet!

Today has been an eventful day. My car would not start. Actually last night it would not start. Not so fun, considering we just had it in the shop last week and spent quite a lot of money on it. Thank goodness for the rebate check, most of it spent on the car. :) Anyway, I digress. But since no car, I had to walk the kid to the bus stop and it was so beautiful this am that I took a short walk after. I had lots of things to do at home, but the call of the road was strong. It was nice. This whole day I have felt the effects of Mandy's new workouts. LOL :) I have new pains in my thighs. Quite nice. Usually I feel my walks in my shins. Not today. :) Then in the mail I received a post card from my WW leader. I was not at my usual meeting this last week and I am sure she wanted to encourage me. She said "Kathy, Never ever give up!" I had to email her and let her know that I had not given up. I have her email address because I gave her my blog and she emailed me back in regards to it. But I wanted her to know that I am not giving up. I am in this for the long haul, the rest of my life. This is not a diet it is a new way of life for me. I am making changes that I will do for the rest of my life. NO giving up! I have come to far and have so much more life to live. Yeah!

New tortures via Mandy

Mandy went to conference this weekend and came back with new forms of torture. Actually, it was fun learning new exercises. She brought back some gliders that we used on our feet and bicycled while doing crunches. Anything to do with my abs is torture to me. I feel it the worse. But I see people who are in really good shape that do crunches and make faces the whole time. So I think it is never going to be a breeze. :) But as they say no pain no gain. lol :) We also did some leg lifts and those were awesome. The music started to play Billy Jean by Michael Jackson. And it made me feel peppy and make the workout easier to do. :) I love listening to tunes while working out. Actually I love listening to music all the time. I got to thinking this weekend that last week I did not take much time to listen to music. That may have affected my mood. I am going to make an effort to listen to music everyday, because it really does lift my mood. My mother used to listen to music all the time. In fact you could always tell what kind of mood she was in by her choice of music. If it was hard rock, watch out....she was usually in a bad mood. Country was always her more mellow choice. I like country because that is what I grew up with, but I also love other types of music. I like up beat fast music for working out and for cleaning house. You may have noticed a new addition to my blog page. One of my sister-in-laws mentioned I needed a countdown to my weight loss. I looked up tickers and put one on the side. It tells what my goal is and my current weight loss amount. I am excited, a great idea, and it wasn't even mine. But I may also put a ticker up for exercise, first I need to set a goal for how many miles I want to accomplish. I was thinking a total from now until my 1/2 marathon, then I could just mark off each mile towards the goal of x amount of miles. Watch for further ticker information. Well I need to get going to serve the family some dinner.

feeling better

I am feeling less depressed. The family and I have had the stomach flu and physically I am still not feeling 100%. I am hoping to rest this weekend so that I can be up to par next week and work out.

Yesterday I went to WW in Gladstone. I wanted to go. I needed the push and I wanted to weigh in. I do not like missing my meetings. So in I went. I am so glad I did. They were talking about the expenses of being overweight compared to losing weight. One man had said that he used to pay $1500 a month on medicine between his wife and himself. Now he pays $150 a month just for himself. Can you imagine what a raise that is? How fabulous is that? Many medical conditions are brought on by weight gain. They also discussed the exhibit at the Science Center and how it has encouraged more than one of them to lose weight. They said that seeing diseased organs and reading all the stuff that obesity can do to your body, really motivated them. I do not know that would help me. It is not like I am oblivious to the hazards of obesity. and seeing it up close just may depress me more. But I know that I am doing something to change my life now. Is very encouraging to me. It was good to hear the other people talk about their efforts. The leader encouraged us to remember the little things and to remember to be grateful for them. That the little improvements will help us to achieve the big goals.

I want to take some time to express some gratitude. I need to remember the things that I am doing right and be grateful for the strides I am making. First off, I weighed in yesterday and I have lost 27 pounds! It is fabulous. In less than 2 months I have lost 27 pounds! It is so weird. A lady at WW said that even after 50 pounds of weight loss she did not feel any different. I cannot believe that. She just doesn't remember what it was like to have those 50 pounds. I know that I feel so much better than I did 2 months ago. 27 pounds may only be a portion of what I need to lose, but it has made a big difference. A difference in the way I feel, the way my clothes fit, the way I look, how energized or tired I feel, the way I can do so much more than I ever could before. I was noticing that working out with the girls isn't as hard as it used to be. Of course that means I need to step it up. But Mandy is good to say, is that too easy? Maybe you need a heavier weight. :) I also notice that I can walk at faster speeds than I used to with out it totally killing me. These are good things. I can walk stairs and I do not feel like dying. These are all things to be grateful for. I have met and made some fabulous Friends. People who are there for me, people who encourage me and support me. I love the new life I am carving out for myself. I love being more active in my community and making new friends. It is a fabulous side effect of my new life. I plan to keep plugging away at this. I want to lose 3 more pounds by the end of May. That will be my 10% goal. Now it won't be my 10% goal for WW, because I started WW after I had already lost some weight. But who knows maybe by my wedding anniversary in June I will have the 10% goal for WW. I am feeling good. Woo Hoo!

Depression......

It has been too long since my last post. I have been in a slump. I have felt so depressed. It is just annoying. When I feel like this it is a struggle to do anything, even the things I love to do. I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager. Did not get diagnosed until my thirties. But it has been my biggest struggle in my life. It affects every aspect of my life. I know that it contributed to my weight problem. And my weight problem contributes to my depression. So it is a vicious circle. :) I am really struggling. Day to day my feelings change. I feel depressed one day and then the next I feel better and try to catch up on what I did not get done the day I was depressed. Then if I cannot get caught up, I feel depressed. I have to give myself a break. I am so hard on myself. I have to remember that I am doing so much better than I have done in the past. I have to remember the good things I have accomplished and how it makes me feel. I have set up a great support system. It is just hard to reach out when you feel depressed. It is so much easier to just shut down instead of reaching out. I have to remember that it is better for me to reach out. To do my best to take care of me. To exercise and eat right. These things make me feel good. Why oh why is is so hard to do what makes me feel good? I sometimes think that I must not think I deserve to feel good. Wait, maybe I am on to something there. I am going to have to consider this thought more. My self talk it hideous. I put myself down so much. I am so hard on me. I never would expect anyone else to live up to the expectations I have for myself. And when I fail to meet my expectations, I beat myself up for it. Then I quit. Today, I have set the goal of taking a walk and drinking my 6 glasses of water. I will do it. I know it will make me feel better. I will write more later.