Couldn't sleep

I had a hard time sleeping last night. When I did sleep I dreamt of dead people. My dreams were filled with my dead relatives and some live ones. But mostly my mother and father. So I decided I needed to blog this am.

I have had several significant deaths in my family. My grandmother passed away in December 1989. My mother passed in August 1993. A cousin who was my age died in October 2006. My father passed in November 2006. One of Jim's brothers died in December 2003 (I think that was the year, I cannot recall for sure.) These deaths have affected me. I have been to several funerals over the years, seems like more as I age. But my grandmother, mother and father hit me the hardest. I plan to blog a tribute to each of them later.

I decided last night that I am not in a good place right now. Symptoms have been coming on. But right now I am an emotional sponge. When I am in this place I am easily pushed over the edge with my emotions. Because of this I have decided I cannot go to Megan Kitchen's funeral. I am so sorry for all who mourn her and for all who have been affected by this tragedy. Words cannot do justice to how badly I feel on behalf of these people. I am sure that Lori will understand, she knows of my past mental health issues. She is a loving friend so I have decided to support her in other ways. I hope that others will understand when they do not see me at the funeral today. I know that I have to watch out for my mental health as I have struggled with this illness for way too long to not recognize the signs. I have to keep myself in a place that is safe and calm. I want to be here with my family and not in the spa. I will blog more later.