Wednesday, May 7, 2008


It has been too long since my last post. I have been in a slump. I have felt so depressed. It is just annoying. When I feel like this it is a struggle to do anything, even the things I love to do. I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager. Did not get diagnosed until my thirties. But it has been my biggest struggle in my life. It affects every aspect of my life. I know that it contributed to my weight problem. And my weight problem contributes to my depression. So it is a vicious circle. :) I am really struggling. Day to day my feelings change. I feel depressed one day and then the next I feel better and try to catch up on what I did not get done the day I was depressed. Then if I cannot get caught up, I feel depressed. I have to give myself a break. I am so hard on myself. I have to remember that I am doing so much better than I have done in the past. I have to remember the good things I have accomplished and how it makes me feel. I have set up a great support system. It is just hard to reach out when you feel depressed. It is so much easier to just shut down instead of reaching out. I have to remember that it is better for me to reach out. To do my best to take care of me. To exercise and eat right. These things make me feel good. Why oh why is is so hard to do what makes me feel good? I sometimes think that I must not think I deserve to feel good. Wait, maybe I am on to something there. I am going to have to consider this thought more. My self talk it hideous. I put myself down so much. I am so hard on me. I never would expect anyone else to live up to the expectations I have for myself. And when I fail to meet my expectations, I beat myself up for it. Then I quit. Today, I have set the goal of taking a walk and drinking my 6 glasses of water. I will do it. I know it will make me feel better. I will write more later.

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