Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Finding my Authentic Self

"The challenge for each of us is to find the authentic YOU. We have an internal compass that always points to our true north. We must find that compass and that true north for each of us and then follow it. We know when we have it because that is when we feel energy. That is when we feel the least amount of resistance. That is when we are doing what comes naturally and was meant for us."

This was said at our Women's Conference on Saturday.

It really hit me. I want to find my authentic self. I want to feel energized, I want to know what comes naturally and what is meant for me.

My faith has always come naturally to me. The Lord has blessed me with the ability to recognize truth when I see it. I have been blessed with much faith.

When I heard the talk on Saturday, I knew it was time to make some changes. I just didn't know what changes. On Sunday, I realized it was changes in my way I live my life. My health. My weight affects every aspect in my life. Even my ability to serve. I have recently been asked to run for VP of our PTA in the elementary school where my youngest son attends. I want to do it. I want to be more involved in the school. I want to do all that is asked of me. I also work with the Young Women in our church. They are so full of energy, I cannot keep up with them. I want to be able to do more with them, serve them better. Serve the Lord more fully. I know I have to find a way to serve. I have to find the energy it is going to take to fulfill my commitments. I have to get healthy.

So on Monday, I went to the community center and met with my personal trainer, Mandy. (link to her blog is at the bottom of my home page as well.) There are other ladies all over 30 that work out in the group. The trainer had us working out for close to an hour.
If I had been working out by myself, I would have quit 10 or 15 minutes in. But since I kept going, I discovered I could do so much more than I thought. I felt so good after the work out. For the first time in my life I think I had an endorphin rush from working out. Never have I felt so good about working out, it was fabulous. However, that night I started to feel the pain. The next morning was not too bad. I went swimming in the afternoon for about 40 minutes. At first I could not get 1 lap in, but I worked at it. I walked or swam for the whole 40 minutes. I pretty much got up to swim a lap then walk a lap. I had spaghetti legs after, for a short while.

Monday afternoon was a stressful time for me. I had a houseful of kids and they were not getting along. I was feeling very tired and their bickering was getting on my last nerve. I really wanted a Mt. Dew. But then I stopped and said why do you want it? I realized that I use drinking a pop as a way to relax. I really enjoy a soda and sitting down to watch some TV. Well, I sent the kids outside, and then took a couple of deep breaths, drank a class of water and told myself If I really wanted it, I could have it. But I decided that I do not want to drink it as a stress reducer. I need to find other ways to reduce stress. When my husband came home I took a nice bath, and felt a lot better. I am proud of myself.

Today, I got up and was really tired this morning. I did not want to do much of anything. I might have even been feeling depressed or hormonal. I really wanted a dew. I think the hardest thing about this journey so far is the pop drinking. I am trying to quit drinking pop. I drink caffeine free Mt. Dew. Many (including myself) thought I was addicted to the caffeine but when I switched to caffeine free, I realized that it is the sugar. It has also become a way of life for me. I have rationalized drinking it because I don't drink alcohol or smoke, why can't I have a soda? Well, I did some calculating of just how many calories I was drinking and how much money I was spending. Suffice it to say, I should drop a bunch of weight just by stopping the pop and I can practically pay for the personal trainer with the money I was spending on pop. Who knows what I can do with the money from the other junk foods my family consumes?! I am really proud of my efforts on the dew front. I have no pop in the house and if I feel like a dew I am going to have to go out for it. Giving me time to reconsider my choices. I have drank a couple since my first conversation with my trainer, but I am making strides in the right direction. In the past I have had the mentality of needing to be perfect all the time, and thus set myself up for failure. Now I am just trying to make conscious choices and give myself time to consider the consequences.

Well back to this morning. I wanted a dew. I did not get one. I ate some scrambled eggs and then went to the community center. I walked for about 20 minutes on the treadmill and then I swam for close to 40 more minutes. Yeah for spaghetti legs!

We had some pizza tonite for dinner. I only ate two small pieces and drank water. No Pop! I am so proud. I feel really good about the choices I am making.

Here is another quote from the women's conference: "
When we find our purpose in life, we must match this against what we are doing and then make adjustments so that we are in sync with our compass. Then we will obtain and achieve the things that our Heavenly Father wants us to achieve in this life. That is when we will obtain our true potential. "

I am working towards my true potential, finding my authentic self. I am feeling pretty good right now.

Thanks for reading.


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